How to Help Someone Who is Depressed

Depression is a pandemic in our culture. People from every nation and all walks of life, not just in the United States, deal with the darkness of depression and mental illness. Likewise, millions of people suffer every day and many are too ashamed to open up to someone else. I’ve dealt with mental illness for several years now and I have seen many of my friends and family battle through the fire courageously. I’ve also seen loved ones lose the battle and it is heart-breaking. Compiling my thoughts over the years, I want to issue some counsel on how to help someone who is depressed. Just the other day I met with my friend who deals with depression every single day and asked him, “What is the best way someone can help you when you are depressed?” He responded and said that someone helping a sufferer must be patient and compassionate. He remarked that in order to truly love someone suffering, you have to be there for them over the course of a period of days, weeks and years. It’s not a quick fix. Mental illness is a devastating condition which robs you of your strength, time, and passion for life. It robs you of days, weeks, even months or years of your life. It is no respecter of persons.

Having Compassion for the Sufferer

Accordingly, caregivers must learn to love and listen over time. Someone drowning in despair needs to know there’s hope on the horizon. He or she needs constant care and compassion. In the Old Testament book of Job, one of the earliest books written, Job was surrounded by three friends who made him feel guilty after he lost everything. They sat and wept with him for days after he lost his children, wealth and health (Job 2:11-13). Then they opened their mouths and shamed him for his suffering. Have you ever felt ashamed for your suffering? Have loved ones, friends, counselors or even pastors made you feel guilty for struggling with depression? I certainly have. There is another key ingredient to helping someone who is suffering-learn to listen and love. Don’t be a fixer. First, be there for the sufferer and listen to their hurts. Don’t immediately tell them how to fix their situation. Likely, they know how. Listen, learn, love and pray for them and with them. Offer comforting Scripture but NEVER use it as a weapon to wound. Use Scripture as a medicine to heal.

Use God’s Means of Grace

I’ve heard too many people, counselors, pastors, and every day Christians act like they know it all and how to fix everyone’s problems. Depression and mental illness are complex issues requiring Christ-like compassion and intentional care. When helping a depressed person, commit to the long haul. Learn to listen to their heart and gently lead them to the Savior. And if the case is persistent, ongoing, and life-crippling, it may be time for them to see a good doctor and be put on some medication to get back to a sense of normalcy. There is a difference between spiritual depression and medical depression. We must learn to discern which type sufferers struggle with. We must better educate ourselves to help with both cases. Not all depression is medical, nor is it all spiritual. Often times, there is an overlap. Not easy to differentiate, we must encourage sufferers to seek help from the Lord and if needed, from a doctor. When the latter occurs it is good and wise to seek medical help. It’s about time we stop shaming people for getting the help that could save their lives. Someone is no less a Christian if they take medication and see a psychiatrist. These are means of grace God has provided for those who are truly suffering from clinical depression. Please pray and ask God to lead you and open your heart to care for the sufferers in your life. Odds are, they are in your friend group, family, at work or in your church. Let’s be beacons of light offering hope in the dark nights of the soul for sufferers. Paul commands us in Galatian 6:2, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” When a brother or sister is caught in sin or when they are carrying a heavy load, we have the divine command and privilege of walking alongside of them on the rugged road to heaven. The journey is so much sweeter with the love of the saints paving the way.

*Photo by Raychel Sanner on Unsplash